On selfishness, forgiveness, healing, gratitude and looking ahead!

As this year comes to a close, I can’t help but reflect on the last 12 months. To be perfectly honest, 2013 was an extremely tough year for me, personally, for reasons that I won’t state publicly.

A part of me feels like I owe an apology to family members and friends for maybe not being as “available” as I should have been, as they expected or wanted me to be. But, quite honestly, the bigger part of me realizes that everything I’ve done, or haven’t done, in the last year was important for my own sanity and wellbeing. Yes, I’ve been quite selfish and have put my needs before others… I feel like I’ve done that a lot lately, a lot more than I’m maybe comfortable with. I’m sure I’ve upset people, as a result.

I am truly sorry for upsetting anyone, whether it be my children, parents, grandparents, in-laws, or even neighbors and friends. I never intentionally set out to hurt or piss off or treat anyone unfairly. If I’ve been selfish at times, it was because I needed to be, not because I’m a hateful, horrible, uncaring person who doesn’t think of or consider others. So while I hate the idea of hurting anyone unintentionally, I can’t apologize for trying to take care of myself in the bargain.

People talk a lot about forgiveness. I talk and think A LOT about forgiveness these days. I think it’s one of those things that is easy to talk about in the abstract, and not quite so easy to practice in your everyday life. I’m trying, very hard, to practice forgiving those who have wronged me, in various ways. I hope those who feel wronged by me, in any way, will extend the same mercy.

And I truly hope that, by this time next year, I feel more like myself and that some of these broken pieces will be put back together. To those who have stood by me this last year and supported me when I needed you, in any small way… I can’t express how grateful I am, for all of you, for what you’ve meant to me and how you’ve helped pick me up on especially bad days.

I’m really not at all sad that 2013 is almost over; I’m ready to put it behind me and am looking forward to a bigger and brighter 2014!

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