Taking a break from all this holiday cheer…

to whine and feel sorry for myself for a minute. Just for a minute. Then I’ll get back to Holiday fun and snow play, I promise.

My work situation has recently progressed from bad to worse. Between work being outsourced to India and dealing with impossible project managers, I’m ready to tear my hair out. And I’m wondering… for, ohhh, the billionth time… why I do what I do in the first place. There’s not much about the job that I enjoy. I hate working from home. I have horrible time management skills and deadlines stress me out beyond belief. The lack of communication from my clients is beyond frustrating; I’m always playing a guessing game, and I’m not very good at it sometimes! Although the money CAN be good, even very good at times, it’s never anything steady that I can count on regularly.

I’m grateful that I had this job as long as I did because it allowed me to stay home with my kids. For that I’ll be forever grateful. But my kids are both in school now… so even that aspect of the job is not so attractive at the moment. In fact, being home for 10 years has turned me into a bit of an anxious hermit, and I really don’t like that about myself right now.

So, it seems the obvious answer is that I need to finally take that step and get out of the house… close the door once and for all on my freelancing gig and get on with my life. The thought of doing that actually fills my heart (and mind) with joy! But then reality hits me and I think, “where in the world do I begin??” The job that I’ve been doing for 11 years is not very marketable, I’m afraid. And it’s all I’ve ever done. So I really feel like I’m starting at square one… at almost-34 years old… and I have no clue what to do now.

I’m sure I’m not the only mom who’s found herself in this position. It must be quite common when the kids grow up and the SAHM looks in the mirror and thinks, “who am I and what do I want to be now that my kids and I are grown up??” And, somehow, I doubt that there’s ever an easy answer to that question.

Today, I decided to take a break from worrying about it. I was going to throw myself into cleaning my house, listening to Christmas carols, and preparing for a fun Christmas with my family. And, while I was cleaning at one point, I glanced out the window and found my kids rolling around in the snow. It brought a smile to my face, and I tried to remind myself that I have a lot to be grateful for this holiday season… that I shouldn’t allow myself to be consumed with this depressing work predicament. And I’m trying. But it’s not easy.

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4 Responses to Taking a break from all this holiday cheer…

  1. ellie says:

    I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. Some days I want to be a flight attendant, other days a librarian or snowglobe maker. I’ll figure it out sooner or later, and you will too, no need to stress.

  2. Diane says:

    Can you sign up to be a substitute teacher?
    Not that I’m trying to solve the problem, just that Ellie already took my first choice at a response. (I too wanted to be a snow globe maker!)

  3. Tami says:

    I stayed home for 10 years and went through the “anxious hermit” thing. And yes, it’s frightning when you take that step to return to the “real world”. Not knowing you closely, can’t give much advice except to say cherish the time with the kids. I know it’s cliche, but they really do grow up so fast and I’ve tried every possible way of shrinking them back and can’t get it done.

    And I’m sure you have way more marketable skills than you give yourself credit for – just a matter of finding where they fit. I have found there are tons of people actually holding down full-time jobs with zero skills. 🙂

    Keep your chin up and have a wonderful Christmas with the kid-o’s.

  4. Lemmy says:

    Good luck with stepping out….and have a very happy holiday indeed!

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