Redneck Heaven

Nick worked until noon today, and then we wanted to spend the rest of the day doing something together as a family (that’s becoming the “Saturday thing” around here, apparently).

So, we hopped in the car and took a little road trip to our nearest Cabela’s. Nick and Damon loooove Cabela’s — “The World’s Foremost Outfitter.” I prefer to call this place Redneck Heaven. It is… truly.

As we sat down to lunch at Cabela’s this afternoon, I looked around and thought, “My God, I’ve never seen so many rednecks in one place at one time… not even at a NASCAR race!”

I’ll admit, there are some really neat, one-of-a-kind things at Cabela’s, and it’s not completely horrible to spend a few hours walking around looking at all of this neat stuff. My favorite part of the store is the Home & Cabin department. If I had a log cabin, I’d want one of everything in there… the furniture, the bedding, the accessories, etc. My very favorite thing that I saw today were these framed prints of sporting dogs, specifically the Golden Retriever one… he looked vaguely familiar!

What I do NOT enjoy about Cabela’s? First and foremost, the gun section. Good gravy do they have some guns. And today they were having a Gun Show… oh, for joy. I just don’t understand the obsession with guns. I can understand having a gun or two for hunting… okay, fine. But these people in Cabela’s… they’re crazy. They will stand at that darn gun counter for hours, holding each and every gun, dreaming of owning these guns, while their wives stand by tapping their feet because they’re bored out of their minds and they know their husbands don’t NEED any more guns. (Trust me, I’m speaking from experience here.)

I also am not very fond of the duck call section of Cabela’s. Because today, my husband stood in the duck call section of the store for what seemed like 5 hours. He stood there with two grown men, looking at whistles. And these grown men (who were vendors at Cabela’s today and duck call “experts,” I presume) opened each and every duck call in the place and demonstrated them, showing off their abilities to whistle.

When Nick plays with HIS duck calls at home, he gets yelled at. Then he gets cussed at. And then, he finally gets kicked outside to “play with his whistles.” Duck calls are the most annoying things on the planet. And I had a splitting headache by the time I finally dragged Nick away from the duck call section today.

I tried to be patient… I really did. I tried to keep the kids entertained and we wandered around for a while. Then I huffed and puffed and gave Nick dirty looks, which had absolutely no effect. Finally, I approached Nick and one of his whistling buddies and announced, “We’re about to leave your ass here if you don’t come on.” Nick’s whistling buddy seemed a little taken aback by that statement… probably because I LOOK like such a nice girl. I was not feeling very nice at that point in time, however.

By the time we left Cabela’s late this afternoon, I was not a very happy camper. And my husband, who is very perceptive, seemed to notice. So, he drove me next door to Aggravated Wife Heaven. I spent an hour or so (while Nick kept the kids entertained in the car, God bless him!) at Michael’s and Books A Million. I purchased some new scrapbooking goodies and three new books.

And all was right in my world again.

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3 Responses to Redneck Heaven

  1. Kat's Credence says:

    I didn’t know Cabela’s had a restaurant, that is serious shopping! Does Nick have deer calls too? Those screeching things always gave me headaches!

  2. Kat's Credence says:

    I didn’t know Cabela’s had a restaurant, that is serious shopping! Does Nick have deer calls too? Those screeching things always gave me headaches!

  3. Becki says:

    Next time you find yourself that way, let me know. You can either strand Nick and Damon and head our way or we can meet you somewhere.

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