Only a few more hours of Five

Dear Damon,

I know it’s a little early for your “birthday letter,” but I’m feeling inspired so I thought I’d take advantage and write to you now.

I just tucked you into bed for the night, much like I do every night. Only, when I bent down to give you a kiss, it dawned on me that this would be the very last time I’d see you at five years old. So, I lingered at your side and rubbed your five-year-old head and kissed your five-year-old cheek more than once. I also told you how very much I love you, with more emphasis than I do on any given night… then, I wished you sweet dreams and left you to turn another year older overnight.

Now, I’m reflecting on the past six years and crying tears that only a mother can. Tears for every ounce of joy that you’ve brought into my life; and tears for every moment of anger and frustration that you’ve made me feel. Tears for all of the sleepless nights we endured together when you were a colicky newborn; and tears for the fact that we don’t spend those twilight moments together anymore. Tears for the first steps you awkwardly took all those years ago, looking behind to make sure I was still there to catch you when you fell; and tears for the first steps you took away from me as you walked into school for the first time last year, never thinking to look back. Tears because you changed my life in every way imaginable the moment you were born, and I felt a love I never knew possible until that instant; and tears for all the moments I’ve spent resenting you since then for needing me so much and taking all I had to give, especially when I didn’t think I had it to spare.

Mostly I’m crying these tears because I love you more than I could ever express, and I’m afraid that you’ll never know just how much.

Tonight, I’m mourning all of the moments we’ve shared that are now a thing of the past… but I’m also celebrating the fact that all of those moments have made you the wonderful boy that you are today. You have been and will continue to be the brightest light in my life.

I want you to grow and thrive and become the absolute best you can be; but I also want to wrap you in my arms and force you to remain my baby forever!

Happy Birthday, Damon. I love you with everything I am, and then some! And I’m so proud of the “big boy” you’re becoming… I could never have asked for more.

Until next year,

Mommy

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