Bittersweet Survival

I feel like I’ve had a lot of “wow!” moments lately. Moments when I’m in the company of my kids, doing random things, and it suddenly dawns on me that, “Wow! We did it… Nick and I… we got them this far!” And we all survived, miraculously. Because, trust me, there were many days/weeks/years when I wondered whether I would survive and how I would possibly make it to the next stage with my kid(s).

Which is not to say that I think we’re out of the woods, by any stretch of the imagination. I know better than that! We have years and years of challenges ahead of us, and those thoughts keep me awake some nights and cause me to break out in a cold sweat. But, that’s not what this post is about… (let me just have this moment, k??)

Tonight, I was sitting at the kitchen table with my kids, eating a gourmet dinner that consisted of Ramen noodles, Ramen noodles, and more Ramen noodles. And the three of us were talking and laughing the whole time. And I had another “wow!” moment. It just amazes me, every day, that Damon and Avery are so grown up all of a sudden. I know I’ve been with them every single step of the way, so this shouldn’t come as a huge surprise to me… like it might to a long-lost relative who hasn’t seen them in years. I’ve definitely seen them. Every day. Yet, somehow they’ve grown and changed right before my eyes.

Suddenly, my babies aren’t babies. They aren’t toddlers… or tweens, even. They’re walking, talking, breathing, laughing PEOPLE… little people that think their own thoughts, make their own jokes, feel their own feelings, have their own senses of humor. It’s just… wow! That’s the only way I can describe it!

And after years and years and YEARS of caring for babies and toddlers, suddenly I don’t do that much “caring for” anymore. My kids feed themselves, use the toilet themselves, pour their own drinks, sometimes make their own food, clean their own rooms (at least they’re CAPABLE of that particular chore!), dress themselves, fasten their own seatbelts, go to sleep at night with no fussing, etc. The list goes on and on. All of those things that they used to rely on me to do for them… that was my job for a long time. A job that I resented sometimes and left me absolutely, utterly exhausted for years of my life.

Yet, now, it’s all behind me.

And with that realization comes a huge wave of relief, lots of self-congratulating, and then… sadness. It really is bittersweet. My kids are growing and changing right before my eyes… and, although they’ll still need me for a loooong time and I know that, they need me in totally different ways now. And that is wonderful and horrible, all at the same time.

But, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, tonight I’m so incredibly thankful that we’ve survived these last 9 years. Nick and I are the parents of two happy, healthy, intelligent, fully operational, and absolutely adorable people. And they both make me laugh, every day. I could ask for more, but I wouldn’t dream of it. (High five, Witschey! We did it!!)

Thursday Thirteen

I’m not sure I’ve ever actually done a Thursday Thirteen post. I thought I had, years ago, but couldn’t find anything by doing a search of my blog… so, huh, maybe I never have. But, I’ve been a really unoriginal blogger lately… I sit down to make a post and come up with a bit, fat nothing. And, although 13 is a big number and I’m a little intimidated (how about a Thursday Three meme??), I’m going to play along this week.

In about 2 weeks, Nick and I are packing up the kids and heading over the mountains and across the Bay to spend a weekend back “home.” We haven’t been back since we moved, almost 2 years ago! So, here are thirteen reasons I’m sooo looking forward to our trip.

1. A night out with my Mommy Friends! That was my excuse for making the trip… Just Moms (the best Moms’ Group in the world!) is having their annual Christmas party that weekend. I missed last year’s party, and I was determined to make it this time. It’s always a memorable evening for all of us… and I can’t wait to see my friends again! It’s been way too long!

2. The Ocean. I can’t even tell you how much I’ve missed the Atlantic Ocean these last 2 years. I’d lived for years with the Ocean practically in my backyard… and now it’s almost 500 miles away. And I’ve missed it… a lot. My husband grew up a river rat, and he swears that the Ohio River (which is in our backyard now) is even better than the Ocean. I’m sorry, honey, but that’s just not true. Nothing compares to the Ocean.

3. An Oceanfront room! My Gram is wonderful, and she reserved us an Oceanfront hotel room for the weekend. I might just sit on the balcony for two days straight and stare out at my Ocean while I can! Yes, I love it that much.

4. Did I mention my Gram?!?! Aside from leaving my Mommy friends two years ago, I also had to say goodbye to Gram and Cliff. And I’ve missed spending time with my Gram. We used to try to meet for lunch once a week when I lived near her, and I always treasured those times, with just the two of us. I never intended for two whole years to go by without a visit home to see her. This reunion is long overdue!

5. Damon and Elias. My friend Trish’s little boy Elias was Damon’s BFF for years. They still remember each other and every now and then Elias will ask Trish about Damon, or Damon will ask me about Elias. I think they’re going to have a blast getting reacquainted, and I can’t wait to see them together again!

6. Three whole days with my husband! Weekends are usually really busy for Nick… he works part-time at his “real” job and he DJs on Friday and Saturday nights, and there’s usually something going on with the Scouts. So, unlike most of the world, we don’t generally look forward to weekends around here! It’s going to be really nice to spend that time with him, without worrying about work and Scouts and other responsibilities for a change.

7. Speaking of responsibilities… three whole days away from my dogs!!! I do love them; I do. But I get downright giddy when we drop them off at the kennel for a few days. I know they’re in good hands, and I looooove the break from them! Two dogs are a lot of work on a daily basis (thanks eversomuch to my husband for bringing these animals into my life… no, I’ll never completely forgive him!).

8. Change of scenery. I love living in the Hills. It’s gorgeous here. The changing leaves during the Fall; the oodles of snow during the Winter… I love all of that. But, it’s always nice to get away and see something different. We’ll be leaving the Hills and driving up and down mountains… and then we’ll cross the Bay… and find ourselves on the most boring, straight, flat road for the last 2 hours of our trip. But it’ll be a refreshing change!

9. Candy Kitchen. Turtles. Milk chocolate pecan clusters, or whatever it is they call them… they’re turtles. And they’re the BEST turtles on the planet. And I’ll be eating them like mad and bringing some home with me, with any luck!

10. Scrapple. I’m not sure where I’m going to cook scrapple while I’m there (Gram’s or Trish’s, I suppose!!), but I’m going to get my fill of scrapple, I promise you. Rapa Scrapple. It’s calling my name!! (Clearly I won’t be worrying about healthy eating while we’re traveling!) I still don’t understand why the farmers in WV can’t figure out the whole scrapple thing… but, even if they tried, it wouldn’t be the same!

11. A night out with my Mommy Friends. Oops, did I already mention that one? I’m realllllly looking forward to it!

12. Sitting on Trish’s couch. I know we have a lot to fit into a short visit, but at some point, I’m going to plant myself on Trish’s couch and let her make me some coffee (isn’t she lucky??) and just enjoy being there, visiting with her, running my mouth about nothing and everything… just like old times! I can’t tell you how many days I spent just hanging out and sitting on Trish’s couch… while our kids ran around like hooligans together… and it was always such an inviting, comfortable place to be. I can’t wait to be back there again, just like two years haven’t passed us by in the blink of an eye.

13. Returning home. There’s nothing like a few days away to make you appreciate coming back home! I’ll be thrilled to get back to the Hills… to get back to my dogs and my dirty little house… back to business as usual, but with fond memories of the weekend still fresh in my mind (and oodles of pictures to share, of course!).

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The purpose of this meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others’ comments. It’s easy, and fun!

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Find out more about Thursday Thirteen here.

Toothless

Avery came home from her sleepover at 2am this morning. Apparently she was so excited about the Tooth Fairy (and worried that the TF wouldn’t find her at Trinity’s house!) that she couldn’t sleep.

So, at 2am, Avery and I were walking home from Trinity’s, toting her blanket and pillow, her Princess party favor bag, and the plastic case that was holding her former front tooth. Avery had a death grip on the tooth… and a piece of paper. She had written a note for the Tooth Fairy, to put under her pillow with the tooth.

My toothless wonder was beyond thrilled this morning when she woke up and found a crisp dollar bill in the plastic case where the tooth had been. Although, she was a little upset that the tooth was gone. I explained to her that the Tooth Fairy paid her for the tooth… and took it. What I didn’t tell her is that Mommy pays the Tooth Fairy to take and dispose of the nasty, bloody teeth that they put under their pillows. Because, well, that’s just nasty. I’m a sentimental person, and I hold on to lots of memorabilia and things… but teeth? No. The Tooth Fairy can have bloody baby teeth!

Bad Timing

Avery went to a slumber party tonight, just down the street at her friend Trinity’s house. Trinity is actually a classmate of Damon’s, so she and the other two girls at the party tonight are a few years older than Avery. But, if I know my firecracker of a daughter, she’s fitting in JUST FINE with the “older girls” tonight!

Earlier this afternoon, before Avery went to Trinity’s, we had a big discussion about her loose tooth. Her first loose tooth. It’s one of her big front teeth, and it’s been loose for a few weeks. And today when we were talking about it, I looked at her and thought, “now, watch her lose that darn tooth tonight, when she’s not at home.” But, I shrugged it off, thinking what are the chances?? (And, really, it didn’t feel THAT loose!)

Guess what? Avery just called me on the phone… soooo stinkin’ excited because her loose tooth just came out. The older, more experienced eight- and nine-year-old girls taught Avery all the tricks to getting a pesky loose tooth out of the way. Those older girls… corrupting my baby!

So, now, of course, we have a Tooth Fairy dilemma. I’m not sure if Trinity’s mom will play Tooth Fairy for me or not, but Avery was NOT happy when I told her to bring the tooth home with her for the Tooth Fairy tomorrow night. Not happy. At all. So, I told her to put the tooth under her pillow tonight and see if the Tooth Fairy finds her at Trinity’s. If she doesn’t (because Lord knows the Tooth Fairy has a lot of kids and addresses to keep track of, right??), then I told Avery to bring her tooth home and we’ll try it again tomorrow night. She seemed okay with that compromise.

Because I’ve been home with my babies every day since the day they were born, it’s not very often (if ever!) that I’ve missed a “first” in their lives. So, I’ll admit, I was a little upset that I wasn’t there when Avery’s first tooth came out. And, at this moment, I’m really grateful that I HAVE been home with them every day, so that I haven’t missed any firsts (until now, that is!). That’s something that I now realize I’ve taken for granted over the years, while I was busy feeling “stuck” at home and envying my friends who took their kids to daycare every morning and got daily breaks from their offspring.

Yes, I’ve been “stuck” at home for 10 years. And I’ve hated it at times and often questioned my decision to be a stay-at-home mom… was it really the best thing for me and my kids? Would we have all been better off, mentally and emotionally and financially, if I’d gone back to work and they’d had more outside influences? Tonight, I can tell you with 100% certainty that, yes, it was the absolute right thing for us. Tonight, for the first time in ten years, I got a second-hand account of a “first” in my child’s life… and I didn’t like it. And it brought tears to my eyes (of the happy, bittersweet variety) that she had to call me just moments after the big event, to tell me all about it. Because, obviously, it felt a little strange to Avery that Mommy wasn’t there sharing that “first” with her, too.

Being stuck at home with the kids isn’t all bad.

Two for Tuesday

Here are two things that I’m grateful for today.

It hasn’t been a great day, but my new coffee maker (courtesy of a very thoughtful husband) and my furry companion (who rarely leaves my side) have made the day a little more bearable!

 

The power of positive thinking…

is not really working for me today.

Yesterday was a great day, and today I just want to hide under my covers.

Too much work; not nearly enough time.

Too many bills; not nearly enough money.

Too many kids/dogs; not nearly enough patience.

Too much messy house; not nearly enough energy (or time, again!).

Too much hunger; not nearly enough yummy food.

And so on…

 

Today has been a great day… already!

This morning, I woke up healthy and happy next to one of my favorite people in the world (my husband, for those of you who couldn’t figure that one out!).

My kids woke up healthy and happy, with minimal grumbling… and after a long weekend, it was sooo nice to wave goodbye to them as the bus pulled away (no, I don’t feel even the slightest twinge of Mommy Guilt admitting that!).

I’ve enjoyed several cups of coffee from my brand new coffee maker that my awesome husband surprised me with yesterday morning.

I’ve already been for two walks around the block (once with each canine). I’m really trying to be a good Dog Mom. I complain about Lizzie and Comet a lot, but honestly, they’re pretty good dogs and deserve many walks. For all of their faults, they love me unconditionally (and whether I walk them or not!).

I was able to clean out and fix the malfunctioning water filter on the aquarium that Nick set up in our bedroom yesterday (I think that should earn me some “awesome wife” points!).

I’ve actually gotten a fair amount of work done today. I still have a long way to go with the whole notion of self-discipline and staying off the Internet when I should be working… but today has been an improvement, anyway!

I received a HUGE box of books from my dear friend Angie. I’m talking oodles of books that I’m now dying to read!! And half of them were even signed by the authors, with personal inscriptions to little ole me; that made me a little teary-eyed!

Speaking of my friend Angie… Check out her awesome news here and here.

I’ve talked to both of my grandmothers today. Granny called me this morning just because she was thinking of me and wanted to hear my voice, instead of sending an e-mail… could she be any sweeter?? And Gram called this afternoon to tell me that she booked us an oceanfront room for our visit to Maryland next month (squeeeee!); I can’t wait to see Gram, all of my Mommy friends (at our annual Christmas party!), and the ocean!!

I think that’s enough “good news” to share for one day… I don’t want any of you to develop cavities as a result of reading my blog. Plus, the last time I posted a “feel good” blog, my husband looked at me like he didn’t know who I was, felt my forehead, and asked if I felt okay. I don’t want to worry him too much!

But, it’s been a great day… already!!

 

So easy to please

It’s no secret that I have a love/hate relationship with our dogs.

One thing I’ve really hated lately is that Comet habitually runs off every night after dark… sometimes twice in one night… when we take him out in the yard to pee. No, we don’t put him on a leash or a chain just so he can pee in the front yard. We’ve never done that, and up until recently, he’s never seemed interested in wandering too far from us.

But, one night he did run off. And now he knows he CAN, so he does. In fact, he seems to look forward to these excursions every evening. And every time he runs off, I panic, wondering what I’ll do if he doesn’t return… or if someone knocks on my door and says they found him in the road and he’s either dead or injured. Even though part of me hates this dog, the other part of me loves every square inch of his furry self, and I would be positively devastated if anything horrible happened to him.

I am even more anxious when he runs off on the nights when Nick is out late DJing. Because I don’t like being the responsible adult on duty when the dog is off running around, doing God knows what, pissing off God knows which neighbor. I definitely prefer for Nick to be here to act as the fall guy (’cause that’s just the kind of wife I am!).

Last night, Nick was out DJing, and Comet ran off twice. The second time he was gone for almost an hour, much longer than he’s ever been gone before. So I was in full-blown panic mode, running to the door screaming for him every 3 minutes until he FINALLY decided to grace me with his presence and come home for the night.

So, tonight, we refused to let him out the door unless he was hooked to a chain (that’s attached to a railing on our porch)… a chain that is really meant for Lizzie, our expert escape artist, who never gets outside with our knowledge unless she’s chained. We should’ve named her Houdini. Anyway, tonight, I took Comet out three times, attaching him to the chain each time. And he didn’t really know what to think about this change in his nightly routine. He would stay out there for a few minutes and then start barking to be let in. Then, he sat at my feet and whined. And Comet never whines, so clearly he was unhappy and wanting me to know it.

Now, I should back up a bit and tell you WHY I think Comet started running off in the first place. The main reason (I think) is because he doesn’t like to poop in our yard (even though we have the largest yard in our neighborhood and there’s more than ample room for him to do his business here). And, well, because his parents are lazy, lazy, lazy and don’t like to get off their butts to actually WALK the dog like they should. So, if he won’t poop in the yard and we won’t walk him to poop elsewhere, he’s going to run off, right? And, once he started running off, he probably decided he liked the simple act of RUNNING (he’s a big dog, after all). Also, this time of year, I suspect he spends many a night chasing deer through the neighborhood; they’re all over the place!

I couldn’t handle the dog whining at me tonight. That’s a great way for the Mommy Guilt to set in (yes, there’s even Mommy Guilt of the canine variety!!). So, at 10:30pm, I actually hunted down a leash and took Comet for a walk around the block. He was beyond excited about this. And as we were walking down the street and I watched his big tail wag with joy, I realized that this is really such a simple little thing. To take the dog for a damn walk. So why don’t I just walk him twice a day like a good Dog Mom would do?? It takes five minutes to go around the block… and Lord knows the exercise would do both of us some good! And, aside from the moment of panic when I found myself face-to-face with three deer in a yard down the street, our walk was very enjoyable. (I was extremely relieved when the deer gave in and ran off in the opposite direction, instead of charging at Comet and me!)

And now, we’re home… safe and sound… and Comet isn’t anxious and whining at my feet. And I feel no more Mommy Guilt. Of all my charges, Comet is certainly the easiest to please, so I’m going to try really hard to keep my promise to him and take him for walks every night, instead of risking his life (and my heart) by tempting him to run off into the night.

And, Comet’s Dad, if you’re reading this… I would NOT object to you stepping in every now and then and taking him for a walk around the block for me. (Unbelievably enough, Comet’s Dad is even lazier than I am when it comes to walking a dog!)

Friday morning

For some insane reason, I woke up 1.5 hours before my alarm was set to go off this morning. And I took Nyquil before I went to bed last night, so I figured I’d be draggggging this morning. Apparently not! (Although, I feel a nap in my future!)

The kids are still snoozing away and I’m tempted to just let them sleep in today and skip school. Damon was sent home early yesterday because he wasn’t feeling well. And, even though he acted just FINE once he got here, he does have a yucky cough and I’m keeping him medicated. My throat has been killing me, so it’s only a matter of time before it hits Avery, too, I figure! Maybe an impromptu long weekend is what we all need.

Of course, this is the worst possible time for me to get sick. I’m editing a book that’s due a week from today… and there’s still a lot left to do! It’s my first book for this particular Project Manager, and I’m determined to meet the deadline and hopefully make a good impression. Getting sick is NOT part of my plan!!

 

Bad, bad, bad blogger!

I’m so behind on blog posts, ack! So, for now, I’m just going to post some random pics that I’ve been meaning to post over the past week or so. Enjoy!!